Forgiving One Another and Confessing to One Another
Messages for the Perfecting of Parents — "Home" Series
Message Six
I. The Common Difficulty of the Church Life — Matt. 18:15–17
Matt. 18:15 — Moreover if your brother sins against you, go, reprove him between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. Matt. 18:16 — But if he does not hear you, take with you one or two more, that by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established. Matt. 18:17 — And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to hear the church also, let him be to you just like the Gentile and the tax collector.
This evening we want to speak of one most crucial practice on the side of life — and it has a direct bearing on our small group (hsiao-pai). In our small groups we have fellowshipped many points concerning the meeting; but the point we mean to fellowship tonight is one we have not yet touched. In many of our groups — that is, in what we call the church life — there are in fact often hidden away some grudges between us, dissatisfactions between us, gaps between us. If these are not resolved, our group is hard to build up; and our church life, too, is hard to establish.
1. "If your brother sins against you" — Matt. 18:15
Matt. 18:15 — Moreover if your brother sins against you, go, reprove him between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother.
2. The most common problem in the local church life is being sinned against by one another
3. Because of the natural disposition, believers very easily feel themselves sinned against
4. Do not be stumbled — 1 John 2:10; Matt. 11:6
1 John 2:10 — He who loves his brother abides in the light, and there is no cause of stumbling in him; Matt. 11:6 — And blessed is he who is not stumbled because of Me.
We have many hymns that speak of "the church life is glorious indeed." If we are preaching the gospel to someone, or fellowshipping with a saint who has long not been meeting, we will surely tell him: "Come and see! The church life is joyful, the church life is peaceful, the church life is liberating." If you ask the brothers and sisters, "What is your impression of the church life?" — they will surely say: "The church life is glorious and joyful."
But on the other side of the matter, the Lord Jesus is most practical. When He spoke of the church life, His very first sentence was crucial. As soon as the Lord Jesus introduced the church life, He did not say: "Moreover, if your brother makes you joyful," nor: "Moreover, if the church makes you exuberant." No! He said most practically: "Moreover if your brother sins against you." Brothers and sisters, let us quietly consider: in the church life, what do we most often meet with? Is it not exactly "Moreover if your brother sins against you"?
Sometimes we are afraid of the church life — because the deeper you go into it, the more you discover that every day what you meet with is "Moreover if your brother sins against you." When you come into the meeting and stand up to share, scarcely anyone says Amen; some are even yawning. Yet when another stands up to speak, everyone Amens! — and at that moment, you are sinned against inside. The meeting ends; you go up cheerfully to greet a serving brother — but he is too busy and merely waves you off; and you become even more displeased, because your brother has sinned against you. You walk out the door, you find your car blocked, wedged in the middle, and you are angry again — only to look at the car behind and find it is yet another brother who has sinned against you.
The Lord Jesus is most practical. He said the greatest mark of the church life is "sinning against one another." Brothers and sisters, you have no idea how much we sin against one another — of course I am not here to provoke. But many times when we are sinned against, we know it and feel it deeply; yet when we sin against others, we have no idea. Sometimes we say something cheerfully, and three days later a brother comes and says: "Brother, do you remember what you said three days ago?" You say, "Sorry, I have forgotten…" The brother says, "You wounded me — these three days I have not been able to eat properly." And you can only say, "Sorry! Sorry! I had no idea…"
Those who sin against others mostly have no sense of it; those sinned against, however, are most sensitive — and they keep a kind of computer that never crashes. When they were sinned against, which year, which month, which day, which hour, which minute; who gave them what kind of look; which elder did what to them; which saint did what to them. Many years ago a brother came to me and said: "Brother, item one… item two… item three… you did such-and-such… in such-and-such a year, month, day, you wounded me how?" I was astonished — that was how the books had been kept. Of course later that brother specially set aside time to confess, and we were no longer at odds.
But I know it is not easy: the mark of the church life is being full of mutual sinning-against. Brothers and sisters, this is the practical reality — but the Lord Jesus brings us to resolve this problem. If you can resolve these problems, your church life will take wing; only then will you be able to say: "The church life is glorious indeed." So this evening let us together resolve these problems.
II. The First Virtue of the Church Life — Forgiving One Another — Matt. 18:21–35
Matt. 18:21 — Then Peter came and said to Him, Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times? Matt. 18:22 — Jesus said to him, I do not say to you, Up to seven times, but, Up to seventy times seven. Matt. 18:23 — For this reason the kingdom of the heavens has become like a king who desired to settle accounts with his slaves. Matt. 18:24 — And when he began to settle them, one who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him. Matt. 18:25 — But since he did not have the means to repay, the master commanded him to be sold, as well as his wife and children and all that he had, and repayment to be made. Matt. 18:26 — Then the slave fell down and worshipped him, saying, Be patient with me and I will repay you all. Matt. 18:27 — And the master of that slave was moved with compassion and released him and forgave him the loan. Matt. 18:28 — But that slave went out and found one of his fellow slaves who owed him a hundred denarii, and he took hold of him and began to choke him, saying, Repay me what you owe. Matt. 18:29 — Then his fellow slave fell down and begged him, saying, Be patient with me and I will repay you. Matt. 18:30 — But he would not; instead, he went away and threw him into prison until he would repay what was owed. Matt. 18:31 — Then his fellow slaves, seeing what had taken place, were greatly grieved and came and explained fully to their master all that had taken place. Matt. 18:32 — Then his master called him to him and said to him, Evil slave, all that debt I forgave you, because you begged me. Matt. 18:33 — Should you not also have had mercy on your fellow slave even as I had mercy on you? Matt. 18:34 — And his master became angry and delivered him to the torturers until he would repay all that was owed. Matt. 18:35 — So also will My heavenly Father do to you if each of you does not forgive his brother from your hearts.
1. Forgive seventy times seven — vv. 21–22
2. After we are saved, the heavy debt accumulated by sinning against the Lord cannot be repaid — vv. 23–25
3. But the Lord, on His own initiative, was moved with compassion and willingly forgave us — vv. 26–27
4. The offences of our fellow slaves come nowhere near to what we owe the Lord — v. 28
5. If we do not forgive our brother, we cause other brothers to be grieved, who then bring the matter before the Lord — v. 31
6. The Lord, on account of our refusal to forgive others, will withdraw the forgiveness He has given us — v. 34
7. Not until we forgive our brother from the heart will the Lord forgive us; otherwise, in the world to come we shall not enter the kingdom — vv. 32–35; Matt. 6:12, 14
Matt. 6:12 — And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. Matt. 6:14 — For if you forgive men their offenses, your heavenly Father will forgive you also;
According to the Lord Jesus' teaching in Matthew 18:15–17 — "Moreover if your brother sins against you, go, reprove him between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not hear you, take with you one or two more, that by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established. And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to hear the church also, let him be to you just like the Gentile and the tax collector."
In the church there is one thing I most fear seeing: two brothers, or two sisters, saying to each other, "Brother (Sister), I want to have an open fellowship with you." Especially among the sisters, the moment one says open fellowship it is just like preparing for a duel. So whenever I hear sisters mention "open fellowship," my heart sinks. Now "open fellowship" is in fact a sound principle of Scripture: if someone has sinned against me and is unaware of his fault, the Bible tells me to go to him and point out his fault. If he hears me, I have gained him; if he does not, I am to take others along. That is good — and there should indeed be no shortage of "open fellowship" among us. But this also makes me, the moment I hear of it, very afraid. It is, after all, a most sweet word — yet our open fellowships often turn out not to be the history of God being joined with man being shared with man, but rather the history of demons being joined with man being shared with man.
Why won't this brother listen to me? Which sentence of mine did I get wrong? — I said nothing wrong; yet why does the other side mostly refuse to hear? Try it, brothers and sisters: when we have an open fellowship, does the other side listen? You expose to him "two dead-man's bones," and he flings back "four dead-man's bones." You open up to him, and at once he says: "I have three things you've done me wrong; but you have six things you've done me wrong; I haven't even mentioned mine, and you started first." Right at this point, Peter raised his question. The Lord Jesus had taken up the church life in verse 15: "Moreover if your brother sins against you." And now Peter, in verse 21, also says to the Lord: "Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him?"
Brothers and sisters, here is the deficiency. When my brother comes to have an open fellowship with me so many times, has my attitude already forgiven him? If I am to see him face to face, I must already have a foundation laid down, and that foundation is "I have already forgiven him." When I have come to have no problem with him at all, no anger, no condemnation — when I only feel that the brother has had no fresh feeling about spiritual things for a long stretch and that this is no benefit to him — then, when my measure is right, when the timing in my life is fitting, or when his frame of mind is ready, in love I can have fellowship with him.
How often we have done what the Lord Jesus said — but our open fellowship is a condemning fellowship, an unforgiving fellowship. On the contrary, outwardly we are gritting our teeth, unable to get past the matter; and just because we cannot get past it, after a time the kettle is about to burst — and then, having to make him "feel the heat," we go to have an "open fellowship."
But that is not what Peter means. If we are to have such a fellowship, there must first be a foundation, and that foundation is forgiving him. If anyone has sinned against you, you must know: first you must forgive him, and then you can go on to help him. But forgiving is truly not easy. Generally speaking, the brothers and sisters sometimes feel their memory is getting worse and worse — talking about Bible memorisation, they feel it all comes in here and goes out there. But that one sentence by which someone reviled you — you don't merely memorise it, you meditate on it, digest it, absorb it; even twenty years later you cannot forget it. That is more thorough than reading the Scripture! So sometimes the human memory is hard to put to use; forgiving people, too, is hard. Forgiving is truly not easy — but if we can practise it, our life will have what joy: it will be a life with no bitter taste at all.
Here the Lord Jesus tells us a story. A king called his slaves to settle accounts with him. As he began to settle them, one was brought to him who owed ten thousand talents of silver. By the Bible's units of measure, one talent is ten catties; ten thousand talents of silver is owing one hundred thousand catties of silver — meaning the debt was unimaginably great. This man owed too much to repay, and there was nothing he could give in return; so the master commanded him, his wife, his children and all that he had to be sold to make repayment — which was just. But the slave fell down and worshipped, saying, "Be patient with me, and I will repay you all." This master represents our Lord. So the master of the slave was moved with compassion, released him, and forgave him the entire debt. In fact, the slave could never have repaid the loan; but the master remembered the very first word he had said: "Be patient with me." And so the master forgave him, forgiving him all his debt.
He went out joyfully — and on the road met one of his fellow slaves who owed him a hundred denarii, the very smallest of units. This freshly forgiven slave looked at the man who owed him a hundred denarii and at once made two motions: he took hold of him by the throat, gripping him tightly, and said: "Repay me what you owe!" That fellow slave answered him in the same words: "Be patient with me, and I will repay you." But this newly forgiven slave was fierce: he refused, and threw the man into prison until he should pay all his debt.
When the other fellow slaves saw this, they could not bear it. Greatly grieved, they came and told their master everything. So the master called the wicked slave to him. The master had already forgiven him fully. But mark this carefully: in the matter of not forgiving another, the wrath of the master is stirred, and his forgiveness is withdrawn. He said, "Evil slave, all that debt I forgave you, because you begged me. Should you not also have had mercy on your fellow slave even as I had mercy on you?" So the master became angry, delivered him to the torturers, and threw him into prison until he should repay all the debt.
Could that man ever come out of prison? Hardly; almost impossible. Brothers and sisters, we remind you: the matter is in fact very easy and not difficult — and the easy lies in this: only that you are willing to forgive him. The Lord here said one most weighty word: "So also will My heavenly Father do to you if each of you does not forgive his brother from your hearts." This "do to you" refers to not being forgiven in the kingdom — and that is a most serious thing.
III. The Practice of Forgiveness
1. See how much I owe the Lord; under His shining, see one's own brokenness — forgetting Him, wounding Him, secretly changing one's heart
The story the Lord gives us very often happens to ourselves. The master is the Lord Jesus; He often comes to settle accounts with us, for between us is a slave-and-master relationship. Have we done anything for Him? Have we owed Him anything? We are the ones who often forget Him, who often wound Him, who often secretly change our heart, who serve idols on the side; with the mouth we say we love Him, but in the dark we love many other things.
So since we were saved, who knows how much we have sinned against the Lord. If we are in the Lord's light, we must all confess: "What I owe the Lord is just like the slave who owed his master ten thousand talents of silver" — countless times we have come to the Lord and said: "Lord, forgive me!" — and He has forgiven us all. So I often feel I am a thick-skinned man: at every coming to the Lord I shamelessly say, "Lord, I love You still!" And He, even so, makes me have no gap between me and Him; He makes me light again, free of my burden, able to live before Him broadly and at peace.
Brothers and sisters, have you had this kind of experience? Have you noticed how often, the moment we come out from before the Lord and meet a brother, our inside begins to seethe with anger — because yesterday he sinned against me, and inside I will not let it go. The recently saved are easy enough to forgive; but those long in the faith are hard to forgive. The brother who sinned against me may have no idea what happened, but he comes up the moment he sees me and says, "Oh! Brother So-and-so, the Lord loves you forever." I, however, refuse to acknowledge him — I want him to know he has sinned against me, and to be brought under the Lord's shining. If I were to answer him, he would have no light; so I will give him a stern face, and let him know it. And shortly thereafter, in the meeting, he stands up and releases his spirit: "Lord, thank You — daily You make us live in the light." Truly there is no justice! The more I listen, the angrier I become; I think to myself: "You're in the dark there! And you're still talking about being in the light!" Then he says, "Lord, forgive me!" — and I refuse to say "Amen," meaning, "That's enough; you can sit down; do your prayers really need to go that long?"
Have you ever been in such a situation? In honesty — we all have. Sometimes we are so seething that, in the meeting, we strangle his neck — that is, we will not let him speak; we want his words to be bottled up and not come out. I'd seat him directly across from me and glare at him, so that after three lines he could go no further; he sits down with no juice left. Brothers and sisters, perhaps I am acting it out a little too theatrically, but if we are not careful, we very easily fall into this.
Yet how strange — every time inside me there is a brother I cannot get past, I find that I myself am thrown into a tangle, while he still goes on quite alive. So there is no justice. Who sinned against whom? He sinned against me. Then who is in trouble? — He should be the one to die. But who first dies? — I am the one who first dies. Truly there is no logic to it! Why? — Because Scripture shows us this law: whenever I refuse to forgive him, the Lord at once withdraws His forgiveness from me. The Lord says to me: "Evil slave, you begged me, and I forgave you all your debt. Should you not also have mercy on your brother, even as I had mercy on you?" So when you come into the meeting and look around, the first to die is you; the first to sink down is you; he is still rejoicing, but you have already been thrown into prison.
In the matter of forgiving us, the Lord can at any time reverse Himself; He can at any time withdraw His forgiveness from us. But once I have thrown my brother into prison, I myself find it very hard to come out — there is only one road to come out quickly: I must say to the Lord, "Lord, I have no problem with him any longer. Lord, I forgive him." And straightaway I come out of the prison too. So how strange it is — this is the road of being saved.
Here the Lord tells us: "So also will My heavenly Father do to you if each of you does not forgive his brother from your hearts." This is not only this present age but also the age to come — in the kingdom age, the Lord will not be able to forgive us either. That ledger is far too great to bear. This story gives us a picture: in the church life we are indeed often sinned against, but on each such occasion, you and I need to make an adjustment before the Lord. You must know: this is the test the Lord has given us — yet many times we have not passed this test.
Why have some saints stopped meeting? — Because one person has sinned against them. Why does someone suddenly stop coming for a whole month? — Because that brother sinned against him. Sometimes when we go to visit saints who have long not been meeting (and of course we ought, in love, to recover them), we always find someone who, because of one word the elder spoke ten years ago, has for these ten years been unable to forgive that elder who sinned against him. But he is the one who will not let himself go — he is the one who is in prison. Is there anything more grievous than ten years of not meeting? Apart from outright apostasy, this perhaps is the most grievous of all.
In the future, at the judgment seat, suppose the Lord Jesus asks me: "Brother So-and-so, why have you not been meeting for twenty years?" — and I answer, "I haven't been meeting for twenty years because twenty years ago a brother wounded me. If he had apologised, I would have come to the meeting; but because he never did, I cannot let him go either. Lord, You must judge him from the judgment seat — for it is he who first sinned against me." What do you think the Lord will say? He will say: "Whether I judge him or not is another matter; but because for these twenty years you have not forgiven your brother, neither can My Father forgive you."
Brothers and sisters, we are not here to be especially severe with anyone — only to lay the Bible before you. Many times our small group cannot quickly go forward, just because two key members in the group have developed a grudge, or two families have run into a problem, or two persons simply cannot get past something. And in each of those grievances, every person has reasons that sound logical and right — but the result is death. The Lord does not delight that we touch the tree of the knowledge of good and evil; He delights that we "keep far from right-and-wrong" and "choose life."
2. See that what I owe the Lord far exceeds what others owe me
To choose life is to have the practice of forgiveness. Of course this practice is not a dead frame; but we are willing to lay before the brothers and sisters one initial road of practice. Are you willing to clear away every grudge between yourself and another? Would you like to be able to lie down at night and sleep sweetly — with no one against whom you hold a grudge? We need this practice. Before we go out the door tonight, we want to settle, before the Lord, the difference between us and some one person, that we may say before the Lord: "Lord, I have no problem with him any more — let me go out joyful!"
If you are willing to practise this way, first, we need to come before the Lord and have fellowship with Him; in that fellowship, to be brought into the light — to see how much we owe Him, and how greatly we have sinned against Him. We too owe the Lord debts as great as a mountain. If we are in the Lord's light, we shall all confess: "I am a sinner, even the chief of sinners." After we were saved, the things by which we have sinned against Him are too many; if we see this in His light, our hatred toward others will be at least cut in half.
Therefore we should say to the Lord: "Lord, although Brother So-and-so has sinned against me, yet, Lord, I do not deny that what I owe You far exceeds what he owes me. Lord, I owe You so much — thank You that You forgave me."
3. Lay hold of the Lord Jesus' great power of forgiveness — His prayer on the cross: "Father, forgive them" — Luke 23:34
Luke 23:34 — And Jesus said, Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing. And dividing His garments, they cast lots.
What a treasure! Our Lord Jesus, when He had been nailed to the cross by base men, prayed for those who were nailing Him, saying to the Father, "Father, forgive them." That love which forgives sins is today in the Spirit, and also in us. Our natural man has no way to forgive others' offences; we must lay hold of the Lord Jesus' great love that forgives sins. "Lord, thank You! Lord, even toward those who hated You, who nailed You to the cross, You said, 'Forgive them.' Lord, yes — today it is not some saint who is nailing me to a cross, nor some saint who is persecuting me. Lord, would You fill me with the great love that forgives sins. Lord, I want to say with You: 'Father, forgive them.'" Brothers and sisters, if you will learn to gaze upon this Lord — to gaze upon this One who, on the cross, forgave all the sins of men — we will all receive release.
4. Love your enemies; pray for those who persecute you — Matt. 5:44
Matt. 5:44 — But I say to you, Love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you,
There is yet another road, more positive still: "Learn to love your enemies." True, that one who persecutes me is just like an enemy to me, but the Lord says: "Do not curse; love your enemies, pray for those who persecute you." You should practise praying for that brother: "Lord, my brother is Your brother. Lord, he is material for the kingdom. Lord, You love him; may You fill him every day." Is that good? — It is good, but very hard.
You know, sometimes when we pray, unawares, out of our heart there wells up a hatred: "Lord, in the kingdom either he is in and I am out, or I am in and he is out. We all hope: 'Lord, may that brother be cast into outer darkness, weeping and gnashing his teeth — only then will he know how he has sinned against me today.'" Sometimes our own conscience is uneasy, because as we pray for our brother, on the inside the steam still keeps rising.
Has this happened? Yes! Then is such a prayer useful? — Yes; never mind, you must practise with the mouth, contradicting the heart. Your heart may still be welling up hatred, but what the Lord seals is your mouth. You only need to say: "Lord, supply him, love him; may my brother and I together enter the kingdom. Lord, as You love me, so love him." No matter what unhappy welling-up comes from your inside — we must exercise our spirit to overcome the right-and-wrong feelings inside. Hallelujah! — this is what "praying for those who persecute you" means.
5. Only bless, do not curse — Rom. 12:14
Rom. 12:14 — Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.
Whatever you do, do not say: "Lord, why is Brother So-and-so like this! It would be best to send him a car accident. Lord, then he'd be brought under Your shining." That is cursing. Although it may seem like good intent, are you the Lord? Will a man necessarily be brought under the Lord's shining by a car accident? — Not necessarily! What man needs is Christ; what man needs is the great love of Christ. Therefore only bless; do not curse.
6. Ask the Lord to give me sight of the brother's new creation
The reason I come to hate him is that I have seen the old creation in him. But if I, in my spirit, can have contact with him — over time, in some way I will see the new creation in him too. I might say to the Lord: "Lord, my brother is so. Lord, my brother may seem to have lost his living for the Lord, but Lord, I cannot deny that he is labouring before You. Lord, please recover his first love toward You."
We must intercede for others — but we must do so in love, in full forgiveness. When there is no condemnation in you, you can intercede for others. Even more — if the Lord gives an opportunity, when his frame of mind is in time and he is willing to be open, you can have fellowship with him in a sweet sense, without carrying any condemnation at all.
Brothers and sisters, let us all stand together, and spend three minutes in fellowship with the Lord. Perhaps you have no grudge with anyone; that is fine — but I think there is hardly any one among us, without exception, who does not have some person who makes him uncomfortable, with whom there is some small grudge inside. Count it up; perhaps there are ten persons, or eight persons, whom we feel we need to bring before the Lord and have fellowship over. But this evening, before we go out from this place, let us settle one.
We are praying now. If you can, pray to the Lord according to what has been said here, learning before the Lord to lay hold of His great forgiving love. This may seem a little wooden, but brothers and sisters, this is for the church life of our whole lifetime, and also that we may enter the kingdom in the world to come. This practice of forgiveness is directly bound up with our entering the kingdom.
IV. The Second Virtue of the Church Life — Confessing to One Another
1. Let the peace of Christ arbitrate — Col. 3:15
Col. 3:15 — And let the peace of Christ arbitrate in your hearts, to which also you were called in one Body; and be thankful.
2. In loving one another, always consider yourselves in arrears — Rom. 13:8
Rom. 13:8 — Owe nothing to anyone except to love one another; for he who loves the other has fulfilled the law.
3. The way of healing — confess to one another, intercede for one another — James 5:16
James 5:16 — Therefore confess your sins to one another and pray for one another that you may be healed. The petition of a righteous man avails much in its working.
4. Confession is not only made to God, but also to man — Acts 19:18
Acts 19:18 — And many of those who had believed came, confessing and making known their practices.
In the church life, if there is to be building up between us, the wall of partition between us must be removed. To remove that wall is, first, to forgive one another; second, to confess to one another. I trust that in this season, in our fellowship with the Lord, we have all learned to confess to the Lord. But for the sake of free fellowship, for the sake of no gap between us and others, sometimes you still need to practise confessing to others.
Brothers and sisters, confessing to others is a virtue, and it is the mark of an overcomer. Although in the eyes of the men of the world it is a shameful thing — a stooping of one's head — yet among the children of God, confessing to others is the mark of an overcomer.
We — this class of people — should be those who at any moment acknowledge our own condition. I am just this kind of person — timid, weak, defiled — and I need the Lord's forgiveness. How often we have a gap between us: a brother has accidentally sinned against me, and I have forgiven him in love. Perhaps three days later, the brother feels it himself, and comes to confess. Three days later still, I begin to feel that perhaps it was I, on that particular day, when I gave my testimony — that my own air was a little too high — and that this caused him to sink a little under cold water, and that is how it ended up. So I, in turn, am brought under the Lord's shining and go to confess to the brother: "Brother, I'm sorry! Although that day you reacted as you did, the Lord let me see afterwards that just because I had been to Russia, I thought rather highly of myself; so when I spoke I was carrying a wind. So I, too, must confess to you." In the church life, the atmosphere of confession must abound. Our confessing gives the others a sense; and in whatever places we have sinned against another, we must practise confessing to one another.
In the life of husband and wife, it often happens that one side has sinned against the other. But because they are husband and wife — there is quarrelling at the head of the bed and reconciling at the foot of the bed — it is not even necessary to say "I'm sorry": just a smile, an apple, and the matter is over. But many times, we are reconciled outwardly while inwardly there is no life-link any longer. Confession will help us be linked in spirit, recovering a fellowship that has life in it. Many times, I sin against you, you sin against me, we both smile and the matter is over. Especially the brothers are like this; even among the brothers it is so — you sin against me, I sin against you, we smile, and we say it's over. Yet No! outwardly we may smile and seem to be over it; but in fact our spirit has been wounded, has been shifted. The barrenness in our spirit others may not necessarily perceive — but my own conscience knows.
Many other times, we — as children — sin against our parents, answering them back. We are very nice to outsiders, but with our own parents we casually answer back. I do not know how many of you here, who are children, have ever brought this matter before the Lord and confessed it to your parents. We very much need to! Especially if your family members are not yet saved — though you yourself believe well — many homes still have unsaved members. One reason is that the family members have not yet seen Christ in you; they feel: "Whether you believe in Jesus or not seems all the same — your speech is just as before, you raise your voice at us at the slightest provocation."
Yes — but we do have a way. Toward our parents, it is indeed not easy all at once to become gentle and pleasant in countenance; but we still can practise confession. Do you know what confession is? — When a man is just saved, his strongest testimony is to acknowledge his sins before the whole company. Zacchaeus said to the Lord: "Lord, I give to the poor half of my possessions; and if I have defrauded anyone, I will return four times as much." And the Lord said: "Behold — this very testimony shows that salvation has come to this house." That is, because salvation has come, there must be a clear testimony, and the clear testimony of salvation is confession. So confession is one testimony of the great salvation. As parents, how shall we know that our children have received the great salvation? — By this very fact, that the great salvation enables them to confess their faults.
As for us as parents, in the way we treat our children, very often we go too far. I am like that myself: I often feel that with others I must exercise my spirit, must live in spirit, speak slowly; but with my own children, that is harder. So I have many times confessed to my children. On the one hand, I may be unable to change quickly; on the other hand, although I do my utmost to practise, I may still fail. None of that matters — only confess. You must never say: "As soon as I confess to my child, he will climb right up onto my head." Nor must you suppose the child will think: "Oh, so even parents have moments of bowing the head!" — as if the best parent must die rather than admit a fault, and that would be victory. No! — many times we have sinned against our children.
Brother Nee said: "The Chinese say there are no parents in the wrong; but I say there are no parents who are not in the wrong." Because in the way we treat our children, we very often go too far. Brothers and sisters, confession is the mark of an overcomer. If we love Him, if we walk in the light, we ought constantly to be confessing. For we always have many occasions of speaking and acting in the flesh, in the natural. Let us encourage one another to practise confessing to others.
— End of Message Six —